jokes

There were two brothers aged 12 and 8. They were very naughty and people went with complains to their parents. Getting fed-up they took them to a psychiatrist.

Doctor first called the 12 year old and asked him ” Tell me where is God?”

The boy didn’t answer. Doctor again asked in a loud voice, “Tell me where is God?”

The boy suddently ran out of the clinic and seeing him the other brother too followed. He asked his brother “Why he was running away?”

The elder brother said, “God is missing and everybody thinks that we did it.”

DID YOU KNOW?

Over 4 million cars in Brazil are now running on gasohol instead of petrol. Gasohol is a fuel made from sugar cane.

It takes a silkworm two to three days to complete its cocoon and it needs to move its head from side to side around 150,000 times.

Ants

Hi! Do you know that our eyes are made of many smaller eyes? We have two stomachs. We can lift 40 times our own body weight. The queen lays eggs. At night the worker ants move the eggs and larvae deep into the nest to protect them from the cold. During the daytime, the worker ants move the eggs and larvae of the colony to the top of the nest so that they can be warmer. If a worker ant has found a good source for food, it leaves a trail of scent so that the other ants in the colony can find the food. Army Ant are nomadic and they are always moving. For every human there are one million ants.

What do we build in our lives?

Once upon a time two brothers, who lived on adjoining farms, fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a conflict.
Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.
One morning there was a knock on John’s door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter’s tool box.
“I’m looking for a few days’ work” he said. “Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?” “Yes,” said the older brother. “I do have a job for you.”
“Look across the creek at that farm. That’s my neighbor; in fact, it’s my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I’ll do him one better.”
“See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence –an 8-foot fence — so I won’t need to see his place or his face anymore.”
The carpenter said, “I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I’ll be able to do a job that pleases you.”
The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day.
The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing.
About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job.
The farmer’s eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge — a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work, handrails and all — and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming toward them, his hand outstretched. “You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I’ve said and done.”
The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other’s hand.
They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox onto his shoulder. “No, wait! Stay a few days. I’ve a lot of other projects for you,” said the older brother.

“I’d love to stay on,” the carpenter said, but I have many more bridges to build.

A touching Love Story

10th Grade: -

I sat there in English class,

I stared at the girl next to me.

She was my so called ‘best friend’.

I stared at her long, silky hair,

and wished she was mine.

But she didn’t notice me like that,

and I knew it.

After class,

she walked up to me and asked me for

the notes she had missed the day before.

I handed them to her. She said ‘thanks’

and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I want to tell her, I want her to know

that I don’t want to be just friends,

I love her but I’m just too shy,

and I don’t know why.

11th grade:-

The phone rang. On the other end,

it was her. She was in tears,

mumbling on and on about how

her love had broke her heart.

She asked me to come over

because she didn’t want to be alone, So I did.

As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her

soft eyes, wishing she was mine.

After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie,

and three bags of chips,

she decided to go home.

She looked at me, said ‘thanks’

and gave me a kiss

on the cheek. I want to tell her,

I want her to know thatI don’t want to be just friends,

I love her but I’m just too shy,

and I don’t know why.

Senior year:-

One fine day she walked to my locker.

‘My date is sick’ she said,

‘his not gonna go’ well,

I didn’t have a date, and in 7th grade,

we made a promise thatif neither of us had dates,

we would go together just as ‘best friends’.

So we did.

That night, after everything was over,

I was standing at her front door step.

I stared at her as She smiled at me

and stared at me with her crystal eyes.

Then she said- ‘I had the best time, thanks!’

and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I want to tell her,

I want her to know

that I don’t want to be just friends,

I love her but I’m just too shy,

and I don’t know why.

Graduation:-

A day passed, then a week, then a month.

Before I could blink, it was graduation day.

I watched as her perfect body

floated like an angel

up on stage to get her diploma.

I wanted her to be mine-but

she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it.

Before everyone went home,

she came to me in her smock and hat,

and cried as I hugged her.

Then she lifted her head from my shoulder

and said- ‘you’re my best friend,

thanks’ and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I want to tell her,

I want her to know

that I don’t want to be just friends,

I love her but I’m just too shy,

and I don’t know why.

Marriage:-

Now I sit in the pews of the church.

That girl is getting married now.

and drive off to her new life,

married to another man.

I wanted her to be mine,

but she didn’t see me like that,

and I knew it.

But before she drove away,

she came to me and said ‘you came !’.

She said ‘thanks’ and kissed me on the cheek.

I want to tell her,

I want her to know

that I don’t want to be just friends,

I love her but I’m just too shy,

and I don’t know why.

Death:-

Years passed; I looked down at the coffin

of a girl who used to be my ‘best friend’.

At the service, they read a diary entry

she had wrote in her high school years.

This is what it read:

‘I stare at him wishing he was mine,

but he doesn’t notice me like that,

and I know it.

I want to tell him,

I want him to know that

I don’t want to be just friends,

I love him but I’m just too shy,

and I don’t know why.

I wish he would tell me he loved me!

……….’I wish I did too…’

I thought to my self, and I cried.

Cash Withdrawal from ATM

How a BOY withdraws cash from an ATM.
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out7
. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from an ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
25. Drive on.

Everyone makes mistakes and the busier you are, the more mistakes you will make. The only question is "How well and how effectively do you deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life?"

How Do You Measure Success?

Ask the next ten people you meet - whether on the street or in the boardroom - how they measure success. Its interesting exercise, and well worth the effort.

One businessman we asked came up with a list. He measures success six ways: Salary, prestige, Recognition, Cool "Toys," Satisfacion, and Balance.

Another business expert provided a shorter list: Profit, Longevity, Satisfaction and a loyal Following.

A third person stopped in mid-walk and recited his credo for success as if he had memorized it in school: "The alignment of culture with the company and the performance of people within that business strategy."

A woman who enjoyed cooking decided that she was successful because nobody died from her recipes yet.

And then there are all the adages for success, including "Success is measured by the company you keep" and "Success is measured by the journey."

That's all fine and dandy. But what can you make of all these definitions of success? It seems the only sure thing about success is that everyone measures it differently.

Perhaps that's the key to it all.

Everyone meaures success differntly. Don't force your definition of success to others. Find out how they measure success for themselves.

Cut Your Losses

The fact is that our society, our families, our companies, and our relationships continue to survive and thrive because intelligent people tend to cut their losses and minimize their mistakes. It is only when people refuse to accept that they have made a bad choice or decision-and prolongs the consequences by sticking to that bad choice or decision-that mistakes become extremely expensive and hurtful.

Flex Your Mental Muscles

When you develop the skill of learning from your mistakes, you become the kind of person who welcomes obstacles and setbacks as opportunities to flex your mental muscles and move ahead. You look at problems as rungs on the ladder of success that you grab onto as you pull your way higher.Two of the most common ways to deal with mistakes are invariably fatal to high achievement. The first common but misguided way to handle a mistake is the failure to accept it when it occurs. According to statistics, 70 percent of all decisions we make will be wrong. That's an average. This means that some people will fail more than 70 percent of the time, and some people will fail less. It is hard to believe that most of the decisions we make could turn out to be wrong in some way. In fact, if this is the case, how can our society continue to function at all?Cut Your LossesThe fact is that our society, our families, our companies, and our relationships continue to survive and thrive because intelligent people tend to cut their losses and minimize their mistakes. It is only when people refuse to accept that they have made a bad choice or decision-and prolongs the consequences by sticking to that bad choice or decision-that mistakes become extremely expensive and hurtful.

Learn From Your Mistakes

The second common approach that people take with regard to their mistakes, one that hurts innumerable lives and careers, is the failure to use your mistakes to better yourself and to improve the quality of your mind and your thinking.Learning from your mistakes is an essential skill that enables you to develop the resilience to be a master of change rather than a victim of change. The person who recognizes that he has made a mistake and changes direction the fastest is the one who will win in an age of increasing information, technology and competition. By remaining fast on your feet, you will be able to out-play and out-position your competition. You will become a creator of circumstances rather than a creature of circumstances.Action Exercises: Now, here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

* First, imagine that your biggest problem or challenge in life has been sent to you at this moment to help you, to teach you something valuable. What could it be?

* Second, be willing to cut your losses and walk away if you have made a mistake or a bad choice. Accept that you are not perfect, you can't be right all the time, and then get on with your life.

* Third, learn from every mistake you make. Write down every lesson it contains. Use your mistakes in the present as stepping-stones to great success in the future

Using Stumbling Blocks, as Stepping Stones

There are two ways to look at the world: the benevolent way or the malevolent way. People with a malevolent or negative worldview take a victim stance, seeing life as a continuous succession of problems and a process of unfairness and oppression. They don't expect a lot and they don't get much. When things go wrong, they shrug their shoulders and passively accept that this is the way life is and there isn't anything they can do to make it better.On the other hand, people with a benevolent or positive worldview see the world around them as filled with opportunities and possibilities. They believe that everything happens as part of a great process designed to make them successful and happy. They approach their lives, their work, and their relationships with optimism, cheerfulness, and a general attitude of positive expectations. They expect a lot and they are seldom disappointed.

Let the Light Shine In

This is achieved through the simple exercise of self-disclosure. For you to truly understand yourself, or to stop being troubled by things that may have happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at least one person. You have to be able to get those things off your chest. You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to someone who won't make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.

A nice lesson

Once a boy went to a shop with his mother. The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets and said “Dear Child, u can take the sweets.”
But the child didn’t take. The shop keeper was surprised. Such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle. Again he said take the sweets….
Now the mother also heard that and said “take the sweets dear.” Yet he didn’t take. The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets. He himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.
While returning home the Mother asked the child, “Why didn’t you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take?
Can you guess the response: Child replies “Mom! My hands are very small and if I take the sweets I can only take few but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands, how many more sweets I got!
Moral: When we take we may get little but when God gives… HE gives us more beyond our expectations… more than what we can hold..!!